I started this as a project for Nino’s 34th birthday but obviously did not finish it in time. So here’s to celebrate the 35th year of my favourite brat, Arashi’s good-looking guy, Clint Eastwood’s friend, Hollywood “stuhr,” 39th Japan Academy’s best actor (2016) and host of the winning shirogumi (white team) at the 68th Kouhaku Uta Gassen.

If there’s something I have learned best from Nino, it’s not to take him seriously.

Not all will get Nino’s wry sense of humor I guess, and some might even find him cocky if they are encountering him for the first time. But when he does get serious in interviews, he offers a lot of insights on life and work. He actually talks like an old wise man.

But Nino without the troll is not Nino. One just has to learn to roll with it and filter.

Most of the BS listed here were made on his radio show BS (Baystorm). Thank you to those who shared their translations on Twitter (please click on the links to see the source):

• • • He has a house with a basement where ladies and gentlemen look like they’re in a scene from Shall We Dance?
    • His house is on the 185th floor that it gets troublesome when he forgets something and he has to go back, especially when he has to take the stairs.
    • It has a dance hall.
    • It also has a room with mirrors on all sides where he does back flips.
    • It is the size of 82 domes.
    • He owns three grand pianos.
    • Each grand piano costs 1 million yen (US$8,900).
    • He also has a room only for his musical instruments. (Trivia: he has at least four guitars: a Gibson, Fender Telecaster, Strat and a Musicman, plus a drum set, a keyboard, and those three grand pianos but of course, so this can’t be very far from the truth.)
    • This grand mansion has a bar so he doesn’t need to go out. He even employs a bartender who ends up not doing anything except wipe wine glasses since he rarely drinks.
    • His house must be awesome because…wait for it…it has a fountain and waterfall where he gets negative ions that help moisturize his skin.
    • And get this, he has his own private elevator so he doesn’t bump into anyone (a reaction to a fan writing in that s/he bumped into a classmate in an elevator in New York).
    • He also has a Japanese-style room in this mansion of his with a total of 212 tatami mats. This is where he writes calligraphy and makes tea once a day.
    • In case you’re also wondering how his house smells like, it smells of lavender because he has a lavender field in it.
    • On their first meeting as Juniors, he told J that Sho (?) was his brother but forgot his lie soon after puzzling the poor Matsumoto who was concerned that he did not wait for his “brother” when it was time to go home.
    • He’s Kimura Takuya #2 (they’re co-starring in a film that is set to release in 2018 by the way).
    • He gets paid in onigiris.
    • He went to Australia for a vacation in early 2017 with his kouhais and even rode a jet ski and banana boat (no one believed him and when a fan wrote in to question the truth, he took out the reverse psychology card saying he’s not forcing people to believe him).
    • He has 7 trillion yen in his bank account or about US$63 billion (hey, considering how frugal he is and after all, he’s an A-list actor, an in-demand product endorser and a member of Japan’s national idol group, he must have a substantial bank account.)
    • He has 24-pack abs (what onepack you talking about?).
    • Because of that, then of course he has the best abs in Arashi.
    • And he doesn’t age (this one is true, BS aside) and when asked what’s his secret, he said he has a humidifier placed two meters from him “in all directions.”
    • Oh and he spends “tens of thousands” every month on salon, toner and other beauty stuff, and he thinks this is a good investment since fans think he hasn’t changed.
    • J hugged him for two hours (!) after he picked him as “ideal husband” on ZIP.
    • He performs on Music Station every time he runs out of tissue (MSta gives guests a stack of tissue with the show’s logo on it).
    • He’s a Hollywood star (introduced himself this way to the Amazing Spiderman cast 2 Andrew Garfield, Emma Stone and Jamie Foxx when they came on their show; the three must have thought Nino was pulling their leg, but he is a legitimate Hollywood actor, acting in Clint Eastwood’s Iwo Jima as one of the main cast so this is not entirely bullshit but no one really goes around saying that deshou.)
    • He does his radio show while nekkid.
    • He also records it in an open field every week and it would be nice if people came to watch him but no one ever does.
    • He owns 120 units of minimaru (Hitachi robot vacuum cleaner that Arashi endorses) that helps to keep his house clean 24/7.
    • During Riida’s birthday last year, he quipped that he hasn’t gotten him a birthday present yet.  “He’s already 54 after all… Oh wait, is he 45 instead?” (Riida is only 37.)
    • He has an old man (not Ohno) at home who reads scripts of dramas and films to him, while he sits there in a robe, holding a glass of red wine with a cat on his lap.
    • He is “childhood friends” with TVXQ Yunho and Changmin, and they call him hyung.
    • He put out a fire during their Dream A-Live concert in 2008 by removing his shirt and using it on the speaker. In the end, he was covered in ash and got scolded by the stylist. (Not sure if the fire story is true but one thing’s for certain, Dream A-Live has never been released as a DVD.)
    • He has a 500-yen coin jar that he’s thinking of bringing to the bank and opening it there, but he is anxious of what the teller would say. (I wouldn’t be surprised though if he does have a piggy bank like this LOL.)
    • He sent 10,000 emails to Shor’s radio program so his kouhai could read it.
    • He vowed to only answer curry questions on the Death Match corner of Arashi ni Shiyagare because he is the “yellow member of Arashi.”

So to Arashi’s yellow member, please stay gold Neen. For someone who has given countless joy to your fans, I wish nothing but happiness for you.

And as a last word, again: Take everything, especially those he says on Baystorm, with a grain of salt because he himself said people shouldn’t take him seriously.

Happy Birthday Ninomi!

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