[This series is a play on ‘writer’s block’.]

Today I found out that one-half of my ex-OTP got married.

I saw the announcement on his Instagram and the translation roughly told me the gist: he registered his marriage with a non-celebrity today and he already has a baby (four months old, I would learn later). He posted photos of the baby too.

I scrolled further down IG and lo and behold, there was a post of the other half of my ex-OTP, smiling in front of a birthday cake. It is her birthday tomorrow. I could only laugh at the coincidence.

I immediately messaged two of my fellow passengers of that ship as memories came rushing back of that heady time treading the treacherous waters of shipping: finding connections and coincidences even in non-related things, spazzing over “moments”, existing in our own little bubble. We were delusional af.  But I survived that sunken ship.

We all have moved on, it’s been four years after all since I jumped off the ship. No one shouted “shipper overboard!” I felt it was a long time coming and I couldn’t stay on just because I kept telling myself, hey, you’ve been sailing for five years now, just hold on a little bit, who knows. I managed to ship five years because that was what I’d tell myself every time I considered letting go. It was hard, thinking I have invested time and emotions into this, but those are not very sound reasons.

But that’s also the reason why I do get where shippers are coming from, when they continue to sail despite the huge waves against them and the dark clouds in the horizon. Been there, done that. Been delusional, been in denial.

Funny thing is, I should have learned from that journey but here I am, still a shipper, if not a teeny bit more cautious and more private one. I have mellowed or maybe I have grown up. And I know I am not the captain of my ship, it’s my OTP.

A friend asked how I felt over the marriage news. I honestly did not feel anything. Of course I wish my ex-OTP happiness, but even saying that feels insincere and meaningless. No, I am not bitter but what does it matter? I It’s true after all, time heals all wounds. What was important to you many years ago may no longer be important now.

People change, the world moves on, and some ships sail away.

But in case anyone needs it, here’s my self-designed Shippers Anonymous 12-step programme though I hope I won’t have the need for it, or a life vest.

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